Leading From the Heart
How soft power leads to solid ground
“Daring leadership is leading from heart, not hurt.” - Brene Brown
I have a colleague who has always inspired me by her unbreakable poise. Her ability to stay calm and cool under pressure was put to the test when she was lambasted at a public meeting. I knew she was nervous, but instead of jumping to offense, she took these perfectly timed pauses, lowered her volume, and leaned into the matter with heart.
There’s strength in poise and calm that many people miss- or misread. I am always paying attention to these moments. They never fail to wow me.
Throughout my librarian career I have had countless opportunities to work alongside compassionate colleagues like this. Some view effective leadership as something that needs to be “stern”, not soft. They see leading with heart as being “too nice”. I believe that it can be both. Soft power without structure is just wishful thinking, and structure without warmth is abrasive.
Brene Brown says it like this, “Leading from hurt rather than leading from heart means we’re working our [stuff] out on other people.” 1 She goes on to say that this behavior is not an occasional slip up of anger, but a habit when leaders fail to address what’s going on with themselves and their own hurt.
This is courageous leadership at its finest.
Putting your heart out there is not for the weak - despite what many might want us to believe. The days of achieving goals through strict authority or coercion are gone with dot matrix printers. Library leaders have been doing it for years whether it’s managing staff or the public - and not surprisingly it’s a leadership trait that women natrually tend to do very well.
“When more women are empowered to lead, everyone benefits. Decades of studies show women leaders help increase productivity, enhance collaboration, inspire organizational dedication, and improve fairness.2
Women leaders are often masters in soft power moves.
Soft power, according to an article in Forbes3, “involves building relationships, credibility and trust to gain support from others, regardless of one’s position”.
It leans in on empowerment, generosity and empathy over manipulation. Using this technique builds relationship capital and it forges a strong connection between coworkers. It leads to a genuine feeling of mutual respect, trust, understanding, and opens the lines of communication - a key to productivity.
You’ll know soft leadership when you see it - and if you’re in the library world, you’ll experience it as a member of a team. Here are some ways that I try to practice soft power:
Credibility: Lead with confidence and curiosity.
It’s not about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about showing up consistently, doing what I say I’ll do, and staying curious — even when I’m pretty sure I know the answer.Trust goes both ways. Assume positive intent.
Trust is earned by keeping my word and by believing others are trying their best. Being diplomatic, especially when things don’t go as planned, keeps communication open and maintains dignity for everyone.
Expertise: Share what you know and learn from others.
“Soft power” isn’t about guarding information and posturing. It’s about including everyone in the conversation and making them feel they’re “need to know”. This helps them succeed and shows them you trust and respect them.
Emotional intelligence: Be the steady one in the room.
This one’s tough for me. Leadership isn’t about avoiding or hiding feelings. It’s about recognizing them, staying calm and grounded, and always listening. Remember, calm is contagious.Diplomacy: Meet people where they are.
Sometimes, just being understanding in a hard moment is all someone needs. Telling them they’re wrong, when they already know it, simply isn’t helpful. Honoring who they are and where they’re coming from builds respect.
The strongest leaders I’ve known don’t shout to be heard. They are the steadies in the room and that’s what matters most.
Brown, B. (2018, December 4). Leading from hurt versus leading from heart. Brené Brown. https://brenebrown.com/articles/2018/12/04/leading-from-hurt-versus-leading-from-heart/
American Psychological Association. (2023, March 1). Women leaders make work better. Here’s the science. APA.org. https://www.apa.org/topics/women-girls/female-leaders-make-work-better
Kurland, D. (2023, December 1). Soft power: Building relational capital over position power. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2023/12/01/soft-power-building-relational-capital-over-position-power/